If you’re anything like me, you want to take every opportunity that comes your way. They’re difficult to come by and they don’t stick around for long, especially in an industry as competitive as publishing. I feel a familiar pull to say yes, not wanting to take that opportunity for granted.
It could be anything; joining a new social media platform that is rising in popularity, jumping on a trend that rakes in millions of views, taking advice from anyone and everyone who will offer it (or force it upon you), considering other people’s definitions of growth. It is all tension that can weigh on you. But here’s the kicker; not every good thing is the right thing.
Saying ‘no’ makes room. It protects what you have from what might hurt. For me, I want to protect my creative energy, my authors and how I take care of them, my editorial standards, and my personal capacity. It gives me the space to move my attention where it is needed and do what is best for the people I work with, including myself. I don’t hide the fact that I have issues with my mental health, and whilst I don’t like doing it, sometimes I have to take work easy to make sure I’m still around to do it. All this to say, saying no isn’t negative.
Being given an opportunity is a privilege, regardless of what it’s for, but it’s important to distinguish between what genuinely aligns with what you’re trying to do and what will distract you from your goals. Opportunities can be exciting, generous, well-meant, sometimes even exactly what you need – or what you needed, or what you will need. Often the feeling of FOMO pushes us to say yes to opportunities that aren’t right for us (or aren’t right for right now). Trust me, I know how difficult it is to ignore that gremlin. Imposter syndrome can do that too, the nasty thing.
But how do you know when to say yes and when to say no?
- take note of everywhere you feel the pressure of opportunity; social platforms, marketing channels, trends, newsletters, events, and so on.
- consider how you would show up in all those places – would it be intentional? Would you want to show up every day?
- look at where you’re already present; are you covering opportunities more than once?
In publishing, there are an infinite number of things I ‘should’ do. “I should post more”, “I should scale faster”, “I should say yes because it might not come again”, “I should do it this way because everyone else does”. I have to keep reminding myself that the voice isn’t mine – oh yes, it’s our favourite goblin, Imposter Syndrome!
I won’t lie; saying no can feel awful. The knowledge that you’ve closed a door that was opened for you feels like you’re disappointing the person behind the door. But you’re choosing your limits and accepting that one person can’t hold everything. It’s a difficult sentiment to learn and appreciate but once you (and me!) get there, saying no genuinely will get easier.
So, let’s make it practical. When you’re deciding whether to say yes or no, try asking:
- Does this serve the work I actually want to make?
- Does this serve the people I’m responsible to?
- What will this cost in time, attention, and integrity?
- Am I saying yes from desire, fear, guilt, or habit?
- What would become possible if I said no?
Answering these questions will help you decide what is best for you. It will take practice – I’m still working on it. But practice makes perfect!
Taking a moment to consider what is in your best interest, slowing down and being selective, is how ambition becomes honest. You’re not sacrificing it in exchange for your mental or physical health. That might not even be the reason you don’t take an opportunity. Like I said earlier, the more you practice, the more it will become second nature. You’ll end up trusting your gut.
